things are better here

i dont even remember when i took this picture.. but i was somewhere out of town, in this really cold, deserted, insect-infested place, it was really really late, and i wasnt doing anything remotely relevant to the development of society, and all i had to cheer myself up was my cigarrettes, so i took a moment, took a little walk, and tried looking at where i came from..

it didnt look so bad..

and it wasnt just that place..

i thought of myself too..

lost

This is a moment of weakness.. Its like, you know whats happening..but you're not really into the moment..

denial? maybe..

or maybe..its finally when everything sinks in..and youve realized that nothing is how you expected it to be..

in times like these, denial would be better..

of course, all of my friends come to the rescue and give me all sorts of advice, invites to boxing classes, and sweets to make me feel better.. but none of them worked..

not even absolut..

but getting drunk, meeting with friends and trying to smile wont make a difference because when i get home, and all i have is myself and my bed.. and when sleep runs from me.. all the forced smiles and unsincere promises to move on sudddenly turn to dust..

even my ability to rationalize is suddenly handicapped..

I want to get away from this sadness..from everything..but then again, if i let go of this, i let go of everything.. and thats something im not sure im willing to do.. so now im at this point where i know i should let go, but i feel that i should stay and not lose this.. and never have i been so lost..

"And we're all so strong when nothing's wrongAnd the world is at our feetBut how small we are when our love is far awayAnd all you need is you"--20,000 seconds; k's choice